everyday im convincing myself its not love

Assalamualaikum peeps..

i dint think it was <3,
i told myselif it wasnt <3,
i deceived myself..
but my heart keep calling ur name.. ~lallalaala

-----this was korean song ( you're beautifull ost)----
did anyone you know or including yourself doing the same thing? keep reminding yourself this feeling aint real not worth at all..? feel abandon by the person you fall in love with? the missing and want to text his/her but something stop you? also stalk the person profile on FB, Blog even myspace or FS to know what happen to his/ her all this time..

i admit i doing all the thing i mention above.. althought its painfull love at oneside.. cause we realise the love will never be accepted or can share with that person.. its hurt me inside and killing me sofly to know that the person no longer be mine or never ever I can adjust whatever happen in past.. try to accept what happen.. crying alone  but the feeling increase itself..

asking myself all over again.. why i keep doing this? it not worth at all.. he's never be mine .. the fact that my mistake is my fault.. why i never try to save this realtionship? why not from just be a friend.. i try to be his girlfriend? its not greddy thing at all.. i cant see anything wrong about loving and be part of his life.. but because of i never ask how he feel about me? and would he accept me as who i am...

unfortunatelly because i keep it to myself.. he never know and bother to realise my feeling for him.. deeply sadness are because im the one who keep blaming him.. ridiculous ? yes i know because im just a girl who have it own shyness.. what would people think of me if i keep chasing him around..

because of my past.. everyday i had to convince myself.. its not a love.. maybe a lust or just love at the first sight.. puppie love.. and i can get rid of it by a minute.. dont care how he will feel or is it okay for him if im not around.. but deep down i had to admit it was a real love until now.. If he is next to me now, then my heart is about to explode.. try to forget him but a sense of want be his only wife and mom to his children spreading in my head. again i try to move on but never succeeded. what can i do? only able to focus on life and i wish him the best.. and even when my tears dripping saw him with other people, my heart will be sincere prayed for their happiness..

from your secret admire ,

p/s : tetiba je dari luahan jadi surat untuk sidia..
p/s/s : jangan menyesal tak sudah seperti aku tak pernah berpeluang tanya isi hati dia
p/s/s : maaf juga grammar aku tunggang-langgang tiba-tiba nak ber-bi pulak

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