im such a liar


few dasy ago i tell myself.. i would not update anything regarding him.. and now i break that promise.. it make me sound stupid... haha... totally a liar.. i cant resist this feeling.. i try but i failed... god help me...

im sorry dear S.. i try really hard not to watch your step... stand far away from you and stop kacau u.. i know.. i lie to myself... it hurt me by the way.. because i really want to talk to u.. from time to time.. i waste my time find something that can push your thought away from my mind.. again i cant..

i dont know how to react anymore.. is it i suppose to BLAH je.. tell me.. whether your answer harsh or not is okay.. i will try to accept it so ASAP i learn the fact this nothing... u tell me u hati batu.. so of course telling me anything doesnt bring any effect right? 

what more worst is.. i feel like u reluctanly befriend with me.. haha.. kejamnya buat penafsiran begini.. but entahlah... maybe my mind saja create alasan so i would not like you anymore.. im afraid it not just like but the feeling change to love... because even when you sit next to me.. im still missing you.. moreover.. when you walk away.. it turn missing u badly, S. i hope i can see u more but i know that will just make my feeling grow..? er grow? haha...

then im really lying to myself when i said, its nothing just a feeling that can cure by itself when holiday start.. now i ready feel like thousand miles away from u.. i cant give u reason why i have this feeling .. just to make thing clear.. i do have it.. and it only for u now.. i never cry for 10 month but last night because i miss u.. i almost cry .. great it did not happen,, otherwise kantoi lah i nangis,,, hahaha geli pulak i u i u ni..
ok lah.. lapar.... tata :P

p/s : can u give me some reason why i should not text u..

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